The Lincolns: Portrait of a Marriage

Most nights I'm in bed by nine and reading till about 11. One of the books in the stack on the table is this biography of the marriage between the sainted Abraham Lincoln and his wife Mary Todd. It was a great read, especially for someone who has never had an overwhelming interest in Lincoln. Now, I think I've developed a slight crush on the man.

While his wife had a bad temper and was, for the most part, wealthy and spoiled, Abe was kindhearted, gentle, understanding, good-humoured and a masterful storyteller. He comes across as a warm and sweet man who suffered great stress while in the White House during the civil war, and for whom death may well have been a relief from the life he'd been leading. He was shot behind his right eye while laughing at the antics of the actors in the play My American Cousin, and never regained consciousness, dying the following day.

The couple had already lost two sons in childhood and Abe's death was pretty much the undoing of Mary Todd. Their marriage had been suffering the effects of little time spent alone together, and this evening at the theatre was a welcome treat for them both. It turned out to be the last one. Mary went on to develop mental problems more pronounced than she'd already experienced during her life with Lincoln. The book does not cover the rest of her life, but leaves the reader with the knowledge that she was a woman deeply loved and respected by her husband, in spite of the flaws that seemed to obliterate the best in her character.

Another element of their lives that stood out was the fact that as parents the Lincolns were extremely tolerant and never disciplined their children, no matter how badly they behaved. And they did behave badly. I would not have liked to spend time with those kids. Permissive parenting does no favours for children when it comes to earning friendship or goodwill among their peers or society in general. One day they wake up and discover, to their shock and chagrin, that their parents are the only people in the entire world who treat them like little princes. They soon learn —the hard way— that they are not the centre of the universe and can't walk all over others and get away with it.

Abe had at least one dream that was a presentiment of his death, but he also had a waking experience that Mary interpreted, quite correctly, as telling him that he would not survive his second term as president. His image in a full-length mirror had shown a second, less clear and sharp, reflection of his head. This had startled him and he went back to the mirror days later to see if the double image would appear again, and it did. He never could explain it but it did bother him and he told only one person, besides his wife, about it.

Excellent writing by Daniel Mark Epstein all the way through.