a walk on the beach

When middleaged Joan Anderson stepped out of her marriage and her routine to spend a year by the ocean, she was taking a break and hoping to gain some perspective. Strolling on the sand she encountered Joan Erikson, a lady in her nineties, and the two women forged a lifechanging friendship.

The elder Joan spent time every day at the nursing home where her husband of many decades was a resident; he turned out to be the well-known psychologist and author Erik Erikson, and it was clear that they had a very close and loving relationship.
Joan Anderson, on the other hand, was considering how much she wanted to stay married. And during the year they knew each other, Joan Erickson, who had spent many years collaborating with her husband, had some words of wisdom:

After they attended a traditional wedding, Joan Erickson commented: "That's the trouble with these spectacles. They present a totally unrealistic picture of everything. People who live together for a long time inevitably disappoint and hurt as well as gratify and please each other. It's human nature. Then there are all the power struggles."

I copied that into my notebook, not to be forgotten. Perhaps the rough patches are natural after all. When the younger Joan felt guilty about the state of her marriage, the elder Joan said matter of factly, "Love is a risk and divorce is reasonable." For a woman who had been married so many years, she understood that it was not always easy to stay that way.

"Always remember that strength comes from adversity... we grow from these emotional conflicts. Our fate can be altered for the better if only we have the courage to embrace the opposites. That's the paradox. Everyone wants to walk under a rainbow, but it's the negative pulls that force us  to reach a little further, do a bit more, make the extra effort. That's why the toddler, as he seeks conflict and tests the limits, is developing character."

I liked some of the other things she said to Joan the Younger, too:

 "If a baby is held, swaddled, nursed, and sung to, the child will develop trust and hope...You seem to have lots of hope, dear. You must have been very loved as an infant."

And this:

"It only takes one, you know, one person to utterly approve of you and you're on your way."

And now... there is a huge thunderstorm threatening the south and cental parts of Saskatchewan and it is time to turn my computer off.